Heart felt thoughts

There's so much on my mind nowadays.....


Been really stressed up with school stuff, the theory work is piling up and it's getting harder and harder day by day. I only have myself to blame for skipping lessons and now that my teacher is gonna kick me outta the course, i feel upset and disappointed for having that i-cant-be-bothered kinda attitude. I left class in the middle of the lesson today just like that. Why!!!! I thought i was determined to finish up the course and get good grades.. I thought i could be the outstanding one in class because i'm the oldest and i SHOULD be the best. I gave my words to both the teacher and my parents that i will really work hard and strive for the best when they gave me so so many chances, but what happened to me now? My whole mind is filled with everything that is of my satisfaction; partying and boozing my weekends away, meeting new friends, and hoping i could find someone i like. To me, the meaning of life now is just bout HAVING FUN. I am like spending my life hopelessly and aimlessly away, and yes i am aware of it,yet i'm still doing it. How ironic. At times, i thought of giving school up but what the hell am i gonna do after that? I failed big time by doing badly for my O's and did a mistake for choosing Lasalle instead of getting into a Poly. Now that my mom had wasted almost 3K$ on me for NOTHING,she gave me another chance when i wanted to study again. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG NOW IS I DONT WANNA QUIT SCHOOL AND END UP REGRETTING AGAIN. I DONT WANT TO BE LOOKED DOWN ON. I WANNA BE SOMEONE WHO IS SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE,WHO HOLDS A STABLE JOB AND INCOME IN THE FUTURE. The thing now is if i cant fucking complete my course the highest qualification i'll be holding will only be a O'level Cert fuck. I dont wanna look stupid and useless. So,what now?
Why not someone just give me some fucking motivation to make things right and maybe i'll feel better?


Oh great, i just remembered something. I'm hitting 20 next year?!! WHAT THE FUCK. Maybe it's no big deal to you la, to me it means alot. Talk is cheap and i know i talk alot, but I havent plan a single shit YET. My future is nearing.... I need some fucking planz. Ju and I happened to hit the topic bout marriage other day and somehow i felt excited bout it. Us in wedding gowns, the last night out before we get officially attached to the other half and most importantly, who will be the groom?!!!!!! I DONT WANNA BE LEFT ON THE SHELVE!!! Before i feel retarded again, i guess i better head to bed now. Goodnight.